career transitions and “out-of-groove dad”
When I started writing the Backngroovemom Blog, I was not sure what direction it would take (I know – red flag). Now that the future of Backngroovemom is becoming clearer (very exciting details at a further date), the one point that remains clear to me is Backngroovemom is/was not a place for hubby obsessing. By hubby obsessing, I mean gushy, mushy, cutesy anecdotes about the hubs AND no hubby bashing. I have never been one for anything cutesy and this was a blog about mommies getting their groove back, therefore hubby bashing just seemed counterproductive.
All this being said, I could not help but to wonder this weekend “Does Backngroovemom equal Out-of-Groove-Dad”? I decided to spend some time thinking about this question and blogging my thoughts. For the small group of you who know my hubby, you know that he does his absolute best to stay out of social media…..could be interesting! When googling out-of-groove, I did not know whether I would find my husband’s picture (turns out that I did NOT), but I did come across this funny video of the Penguins of Madagascar being “out of groove”. Watch this – I will explain later…..
King Julien losing his groove or his “fandangoness” is exactly what happened to hubby for a moment in time. Hubby’s world as he knew it tilted left, then right, and finally came back to center when I changed up my plans. I do not want to confuse this out-of-groove phenomenon with hubby not being excited or supportive of me getting my groove back. He is/was just a little out of his own groove with the transition. The formula which he had come to know had exploded right in front of him. That is actually what this is about more than anything – TRANSITIONS.
I find that in most relationships, the woman is the TRANSITION leader. When the woman has sparked the transition, it can occasionally make the change harder. Even in the cartoon, King Julien is having trouble dealing with a change started by a female performing at the same time as him. Thankfully, my husband did not skunk me like King Julien did! Rather – hubby just needed some steps to adjust to the new dynamic, and now we are getting back in the swing.
I set upon this mompreneurial mission when I felt a major transition in my life with my oldest son turning ten (double digits). I am sure that it came as a shock to my family when I announced one morning, “Guess what? I am starting a business”. My husband and boys looked as though the house had imploded when I told them this. Mostly, I think that hubby was unsure that anything would ever run the same. I wrote down a few points that very helpful to me as I aided in transition that I would like to share with you:
1. Evaluate what you absolutely cannot give up as part of your role as a mom (and what hubby cannot see you giving up). Then, decide what you can hand off. When deciding this, take your hubby’s schedule into consideration. For example, do not hand off Thursday afternoon extracurriculars if you know that will be an impossible time for your hubs to make. Some suggestions of tasks that you can share are – Do you still want to coordinate the mornings as your children leave for school? Can your hubby take care of the morning routine? How about the grocery shopping? Do you feel like you, as the mom, must go to the store or can it be handed off?
2. With all of the above decisions and similar ones about changing responsibilities, “dry runs” and lists are helpful. If your husband is taking over the morning routine, take a morning or two or three, and run through how you do the routine. From bed making to teeth brushing to packing lunches, show hubs it all. MOST IMPORTANT, after you show hubby, let him add his own personal flair to the routine.
3. In the beginning, not everything will go as smoothly as when you do/did it. Allow for that to happen, and try to joke about it! If you show your kids that you can laugh about the mistakes with dad…He will not feel so out-of-groove and your kids will accept dad’s style faster.
4. As always — take a DEEP BREATH! Pace yourself in your transition, and enjoy each minute because it is a brand new adventure for you.
What do you think? When you made career changes and got your groove back, did your hubs get out-of-groove?